What once was
by Sitting Ducki
Summary: During season 4 Ziva is sent home to go on a suicide mission. Upon arrival in Tel Aviv she finds Ari's secret and one of her own. Tiva story A/U Major Character alive.
1. Returning to Tel Aviv

When Tony, Time and Gibbs started on cold cases the fact Ziva wasn't there seemed ominous to something bad but Gibbs didn't know what. He was only back for 3 months from Mexico so things weren't perfect but his gut told him something was wrong. Jenny called down to the bullpen.

"Jethro, I need to see you and your team in my office."

"Ziva's not here."

"I know she's here in the office with me." They head up meeting the others in Jenny's outer office where two men stood waiting for something and they knew something was going on.

"What's going on? Who are those men and why did you call us all up here?" Ziva won't meet their eyes and Gibbs looks at Jenny who was sitting behind her desk.

"Ziva's position with NCIS has been terminated. She's being sent back to Mossad as on today. The men outside are waiting for her to escort her back."

""Why? What happened?"

"That's classified information Agent Gibbs. The position was o never be permanent she was to return shortly after your accident but her father and the director of Mossad agreed to extend it until a replacement could be found."

"What aren't you telling us? You wanted her to be on the team and now you're just going to send her away. What's really going on Jen?"

"The matter is not up for discussion Agent Gibbs. The decision has been made and it stands."

"What happens next? Going back there can't be good so what …?" Gibbs and Tony were glad Tim asked since they couldn't bring themselves to.

"I return to doing missions, earning my place back … my next mission will be my final mission." Gibbs knew the meaning behind that and glares at Jenny.

"My hands are tied Jethro I'm sorry."

"There has to be something we can do. You claimed she was your friend how could you send your friend back to that. How could you send her back to her death?" Ziva looks at Tony and he can see see something in her eyes.

"I betrayed her, NCIS and the team. It is either return or face deportation and not being allowed to return as is. This way I go on my own terms with the agreement that I don't return or try to return to NCIS." Jenny nods,

"She came to me about what she did so I let her take the option of leaving on her own terms." Gibbs knew for Jenny to turn on her it had to be something big.

"Then I wish you well Officer David and good luck." They start to leave when Ziva calls them back.

"I betrayed you … all of you." They stop and stare at her. 'I came just to learn what I could about NCIS and to report it back to Mossad. I did not come to escape what I did so much as follow orders. My father went on my friendship with Jenny and that was the only way I could stay." Gibbs looks at Jenny who had an unreadable look on her face.

"After all we did to … we trusted you Ziva and that's how you ..." Ziva suddenly stand up gesturing to the table and they look underneath to find a listening device Gibbs knew wasn't there the day before.

"I am sorry I have betrayed your trust but this is why I must leave. I am no longer welcome here." Gibbs gestures them to move back before flipping the table.

"What the ..." Gibbs stomps on and crushes the listening device. "What's going on Ziva?"

"I have to go and complete this mission for my father and it is likely I won't be able to return. That was planted here to make sure I cut off all ties with NCIS. I wish I could explain it more but we don't have time. I just could not let you think the worst of me. My father did want me to find out what I could but I told him I wasn't trusted enough to gt to the files or such and that is why I am going on this assignment for not doing the job here."

"The men outside?"

"They are here to escort me back to make sure I do not try anything nor do you. I could not leave without saying goodbye.

"So you're going to leave and walk to your death? Even if you had betrayed us that wouldn't be okay Ziva. We wouldn't want you dead."

"In Mossad we learn not to make friends because we always must leave them but I could not help myself this time. I do not expect you to understand but you cannot stop it. Please just tell the others I had to return home and did not have time to say goodbye. I do not want them to know of the assignment or my fate." Gibbs hugs her.

"Be careful." Tony and Tim hug her and then Ziva leaves with the men and thy stay behind with Jenny. "What kind of assignment is she going on? Why does she think she won't return?"

"She failed her assignment here and wants out of Mossad. The only way is one final mission that means certain failure and death. If she survives then she can get out but she doesn't think her father will allow her to survive. It's the risk she's willing to take to earn the chance to get out. We spoke last night about it and she was going to tell you the truth this morning but we found the device here when we arrived."

"If she survives and gets out then what?"

"I told her I would help her become a US citizen to find work here. She is my friend and I know she would not have betrayed me like that. We hadn't really come up with a cover story that's why I wouldn't say anything. It was her choice to tell you what she did."

"If she reaches out and needs help we'll go after her to bring her home. She's still a part of our team and ..." Jenny nods,

"I'm glad to know." Tony and Tim leave and Gibbs stays behind.

"He wants her dead Jethro. She was sent here to betray us but she wouldn't do that to me and even less to the team when she got to know you guys.

"He's a fool not realizing what he's losing but I meant what I said about going after her. If he won't then ..." Jenny nods,

"I understand I would go too if I could." Later that night after rumors were spread through NCIS about Ziva's departure Abby showed up hurt and angry by the news. "Calm down Abby."

"Calm down? How can I calm down? We trusted Ziva and this is how she repaid us? You know I only let her close because of you and she did this." Gibbs watches her. "I just don't know how I'm supposed to trust anyone with this kind of …"

"Ziva didn't betray us Abby. That's the cover story for her father. He thinks she was on his side and all she wants is to get out of Mossad. This mission she left on is a suicide mission he's sending her on to get rid of her for failing what she was supposed to do."

"How could he do that? Why would he do that?"

"I don't know Abs. I don't understand half of what they do and I'm not sure I want to understand. All we can do is hope she'll get out safely and then she'll be free of them."

"How will we know?"

"We wait to hear from her. Jenny's hoping she'll be in touch soon or when it's done." Abby still paces and rants but this time at Eli David and Gibbs can't blame her for being upset. He wasn't sure of Ziva's complete innocence since she knew so much about them but at the same time he saw a different side to her. It was barely two weeks later when they received word that Ziva failed her mission and was dead devastating all of them.

"We had to try something boss. How did we just let her go and …?"

"There was nothing we could do Tony. I wish we had but if we had more time to talk about it or if we had time to think but she wanted out of Mossad. That was her last mission for them and her father didn't want her to return." Tony shakes his head not understanding how someone could do that to their child. His father wasn't the greatest but he knew Anthony would risk his life before he would risk Tony's.

"I thought my father was … I learned so many men are worse and do worse than act cold and distant to their kids. My father has his moments and time lapses but he would never put me at risk. He would never put his …" Gibbs nods,

"That's the difference between a real man or father and just the guy who produced a child." Tony stayed drinking while Gibbs went to check on Jenny who was devastated by Ziva's death.

"Assistant Director Vance is coming up to fill in for me. I need time to deal and ..." Gibbs hugs her.

"Sec Nav told us to take as much time as we needed." Jenny wipes her eyes packing a bag. "Where are you going?"

"To be with friends. I can't stay here all the time and ..."

"What about security detail? She wouldn't want you to be in harms way Jen." Jenny looks at him before starting to take the stuff out of the bag. "You were coming to my house?"

"I thought we agreed to be friends and I know the others will go."

"Yeah, I know I'm just not thinking clearly. DiNozzo's already there drinking up my bourbon so we might have to stop for more." They pick up beer, bourbon and food on the way to Gibbs' house where Abby and Tim have also gathered. They don't say much and just pick at the food but Gibbs didn't worry knowing they would sleep there that night. He had a feeling they would be spending more time together with Jenny and he hoped they would accept her.

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry chapter is short. Will be longer I hope in future chapters.


	2. Returning home

When Ziva returned to Tel Aviv she found things were dramatically different though she wondered if it was her that changed. Training for her new mission she felt different tired and nauseous all the time. She found herself losing her temper more and being more aggressive. She rarely saw her father and spoke to him even less often but she knew he was keeping a close eye on her and her training. After a physical for the mission she went by Eli's office to find him talking to someone angrily.

"Let us be I want to speak to Ziva." Ziva could tell he was angry. "Why did you tell me you were trying to find out as much as you could about NCIS when you did not even plan on it."

"I did Abba."

"According to the second device planted in Dir. Sheppard's office you admitted to lying to them and me. They were also making plans to save you as it's assumed that I would leave you to die on this mission." Ziva turns pink.

"I could not leave with them hating me and Jenny assumes you would not care what happens to me. She worries too much."

"They already think you are deceased. I sent word that you were killed on the mission." Ziva doesn't say anything in shock. "I thought it was for the best."

"They were my friends Abba. Not trusting but they thought they were good friends."

"And this Agent DiNozzo what can you tell me about him?"

"He's good at what he does, good agent, like a son to Agent Gibbs, McGee's brother … he is a good man."

"Does he know about the baby?" Ziva looks at him in shock and Eli just glares. "You did not tell me you were with child I hope you had told him."

"I did not know when I returned that I was with child. I have not been in touch because it does not change things. I cannot return if they think I am dead so ..." Ziva takes a deep breath. "They would not have let me return if they knew. I wanted out of Mossad and taking this mission is the only way."

"You cannot do this mission when you are with child Ziva. This is both a curse and a disaster. You cannot be out on the mission, you are unmarried and ..."

"I want to return to America to give Tony his child. This baby is something he will care for and ..."

"And what? Do you really think he will marry you? He will not, he thinks only of himself. He ruined this mission and you want to go back to him. That will not happen Ziva. You are home and you are here for good." Ziva was shaking and Eli clicks something on his monitor. "This is the mission you needed to take. You … just go. You will see doctors and stay here but see or talk to no one else." Ziva left the office devastated and wondering how things went wrong. Over the next month as she grew bigger and felt the baby move she couldn't help but worry about him or her.

"It is okay little one. Ima will take care of you." She adjusted the clothes bought to cover her growing bump and not allow it to show much. "Maybe we can find some chocolate. Ima thinks you would like some." She didn't see Eli watching her.

"Have you thought of a name?" Ziva doesn't say anything. "I see you talking to the baby often. I was just wondering."

"I do not know if it is a boy or girl. I have not picked a name."

"Tali was a strong name. That was the name you picked for her." Ziva slips on her shoes to go to the kitchen. "I hear Anthony is also a strong name."

"It does not have a meaning when he will not know his father."

"I never said that Ziva."

"You forbid me from reaching out to them and told me they think I am dead. I think it is a girl either way." Eli motions for her to follow him and they end up back in his office.

"I spoke with Dir. Sheppard and she tells me the team misses you. They were hoping for news and she doesn't know about the baby but said that they never told me of your closeness to the team fearing for your safety."

"They are good people and I want to stay in touch but ..."

"You are more like your mother more and more each day. If you return I want to know about the baby when it arrives and if Agent DiNozzo does not take care of you and his child I will."

"He will care for his child I know he will." Ziva wasn't positive but she knew the others would expect it of him. Returning to DC Ziva was exhausted and hot from both the weather and the long trip. Going to her hotel she was surprised to see Tony walking with another woman through the hotel. Reaching for her suitcase she knocked it over making a scene.

"Ziva!" Ziva reaches for her suitcase awkwardly as her baby bump made it difficult.

"Here you go Ma'am."

"Thank you," Ziva gets her room key as Tony and the woman join her.

"Ziva, what are you doing here?"

"I have returned home. I just arrived and it's been a long trip so I want to go to my room and relax." The woman nudges Tony who stares at Ziva.

"Tony, don't be rude. I'm Jeanne Beniot Tony's friend."

"It is nice to meet you. Ziva David, I used to work with Tony."

"Won't you join us for dinner? After a long flight I'm sure you're hungry." Ziva shakes her head.

"I could not intrude. Enjoy your meal." Ziva drags her suitcase behind her and Tony catches up to her. "You could not wait to move on could you."

"It's an undercover assignment Ziva for Jenny." Ziva looks at him remembering something was going on with him before she left. "We thought you were dead."

"Well I am not. I do not wish to interrupt things."

"Tony will worry if you don't eat with us. You're tired and the baby needs to eat as well." Ziva nods and they hold her bags behind the desk.

"Thank you," During dinner Jeanne makes small talk but could tell something was going on between Tony and Ziva. When he got up for the restroom Jeanne looks at Ziva.

"Are you okay? I don't know if you didn't want to say something in front of Tony but if you need help ..."

"I am fine thank you. Eating has helped me feel better. I was just tired and not used to this heat."

"Is the father coming to meet you?"

"He does not know about the baby. I came to tell him but I do not know what he will think." Tony joins them and Ziva looks away.

"Is Tony the father?" Tony looks between them wondering what he missed.

"Yes, I didn't have the chance to tell him before when I was out of the country but this is your baby Tony."

"I uh ..." Tony was shocked and looked between him and Jeanne.

"I've been gone for the last 5 months and I am currently 6 months along. I did not know when I left so I could not tell you."

"Jeanne ..."

"If I could speak to you for a minute Tony." They walk off as Ziva sits awkwardly at the table. "You need to be with her and your child."

"Are you mad?"

"No, I see it's upsetting both of you but I'm not upset. You did not know and we've been together 3 months. I can't see being the other woman watching the two of you raise a child."

"I wasn't expecting to see her or I would've said something." Jeanne kisses his cheek.

"I know but do right by her." Tony nods,

"Do I need to see you home?"

"No, let's finish dinner and then I will catch a cab." When they return Ziva starts to stand up.

"I will pay for my meal and leave you alone."

"Stay Ziva, we agree that I should be with you to raise the baby. We only have three months I guess to get ready." Ziva nods and Jeanne tells her where to find a good ob/gyn for the remainder of her pregnancy and Ziva hopes Tony will care about the baby more than something he has to take care of. When Jeanne's in the cab Tony returns to Ziva in the hotel lobby.

"Let's go somewhere to talk." Ziva leads him to her room and she picks up the phone to order room service. "You just ..." Ziva looks at him.

"The baby craves chocolate so I wanted to have some. They make a wonderful chocolate cake here and the baby wants it. I did not want to draw out dinner anymore than we had to."

"Do you know we thought you were dead?"

"My father found out you and the others would come after me if I needed it and he didn't want to risk things. Then we found out I was expecting and things got even more complicated. I do not expect you to support me but the baby will need things. I ..." Tony stops her with a kiss and tight hug.

"You came home to me … us I will take care of both of you."

"But Jeanne ..." Tony leads her to the bed where they sit.

"Jenny wanted me to find out what I could about Jeanne's father but she will understand. She'd probably kill me if I stay with her instead of you."

"Tony ..."

"We fell apart thinking you were gone. We thought we lost you and she stayed with Gibbs immediately after and hasn't left. Abby rejects all newbies even if they're not on our team. She said she can't get close to someone else."

"I miss everyone but did not think anyone would be happy to see me. After what my father said ..."

"Don't worry about that. Rest and tomorrow we'll go see the others. I'll pick you up on the way in." Ziva shakes her head.

"Stay … we can sleep on top of the covers but ..." Tony waits while she changes and strips to his shirt and boxers. Room service gets there while she's in the shower so Tony signs for the food and turns his ringer off. He knew they were off rotation so he hoped nothing major would happen while he tried to connect with Ziva.

"Who was at the door?"

"Room service, I signed for your cake." Ziva sits on the bed and just looks at the cake. "I thought you wanted cake."

"Am I fat?" Tony was shocked by this. "You wanted to tell me that I already ate and I shouldn't eat more but the baby wants chocolate."

"You are not fat Ziva I was surprised you were still hungry that's all. If the baby wants chocolate then who are we to keep it from him or her." Tony hands her the spoon. "Seriously Zi, if you want something eat it. Don't let me or anyone stop you."

"They bought me fat people's clothes saying it was because I was fat and ugly. They wouldn't let me eat what I wanted saying I was already fat enough."

"Your father …"

"No, his servants. He sent them for clothes so I wouldn't be seen and the food wasn't very good. He got me chocolate and tried to make me happy but I was not happy when I did not think I could come home. I did not know what you would think but I did not want to have my baby there."

"I think that I'm lucky he let you return. I think in a few days we should go get married so we can give the baby a home. I think Abby will have your baby shower planned by the end of the day tomorrow." Ziva smiles,

"Probably by lunch," They laugh and eat the cake not noticing Tony's phone flashing. When it was done they lay down and talk about baby names and if it was a boy or girl as they fell asleep. When they woke up Tony saw he had 10 missed calls from Gibbs and it was nearly noon.

"Oh no, Gibbs is going to kill me." Ziva stretches and looks at the clock.

"You are going to be late. How many times did he call?"

"Ten and if I'm not dead he's going to kill me." Tony dials Gibbs' phone.

"You better have a good excuse for calling this late Tony and for not showing up to work. I've been trying to reach you since last night."

"Yeah, I got side tracked last night but I will be there as soon as I can get ready and come in."

"Where are you?"

"The windsor hotel."

"Just come straight from there. We need to see you now." Ziva quickly gets dressed and goes with him hoping that the others were okay.

"He did not say what happened?"

"No just to come in dressed the way I am. I hope the others are okay." When they got there they were directed to Jenny's office. "Do you want to wait out here until I warn them?" Ziva nods and Cynthia announces Tony's arrival.

"Agent DiNozzo, do you care to explain where you were last night and why you were ignoring our phone calls?"

"I went out on a date last night. Got side tracked at the hotel and put my phone on silent because I had more important things to deal with. Is everyone okay? Did something happen?"

"Jeanne Benoit car blew up last night with two people in it. I have informed your team of your under cover assignment as you were supposed to be on a date with her and we had to identify the bodies."

"I'm sorry, it was important why I got side tracked and it was dumb to do that but I had no plans to sleep in."

"Just to sleep at a hotel … with another woman?"

"How did you …?"

"Why else would you turn off your ringer? You can't keep busy with one girl or assignment you have to go picking up other women and getting distracted from work."

"It wasn't like that Dir. Sheppard. This wasn't just some other girl and Jeanne and I broke up peacefully. I thought you would understand when I explained it."

"Yeah, well who is this mystery woman? Who on earth could cause you to go off assignment and ..." Tony opens the door to her office and motions for Ziva to join them. "Ziva?"

"Shalom Jenny, Gibbs." Jenny rushed to Ziva hugging her tight and Gibbs looks at Tony.

"We ran into her at the hotel and it came out that she was carrying my baby. Since we weren't on call I thought her getting rest was more important and we just talked late that's why I slept in." Gibbs takes a turn hugging Ziva while Jenny tries to compose herself.

"I'm sorry for my ranting but we were worried that you were in the car Tony."

"I get it and I said it was important. Jeanne said I should be with her and I don't know who was with her. She left the hotel alone but ..."

"You were where you needed to be." Gibbs hugs Ziva again. "Let's go see the others. They are trying to process the evidence we spent all night collecting. Abby isn't ..." They head down and find Tim, Jimmy and Abby in her lab.

"Dr. Mallard is certain both bodies are female so that eliminates Tony." Tony chuckles,

"I certainly hope so." Abby was the first to reach him and hugs him tight crying.

"Don't ever scare us like that again Tony. I can't take another ..." Tony turns her to face Ziva who was standing behind Gibbs so they could see Tony first. "Ziva!" Abby hugs Ziva tight.

"Hi Abby," The others greet both of them and after lunch in they meet up in Jenny's office to talk about what happened. Ziva knew they mostly wanted to know what happened to her but she wanted to know what was going on with them as well.


End file.
